Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
