shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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