I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We left an ass print on the piano.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
