i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i now understand why vodka
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
