Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
