Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
