We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
