he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
