Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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