i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
