just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
