I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I deserve this hangover.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
