I think my fart just growled at me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
