hotel room ftw
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
