Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
