If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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