u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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