Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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