No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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