omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
