oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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