Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
