Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize