Can Purell be used as lube?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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