I wanna bring you to show and tell
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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