I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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