I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
