The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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