I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
