Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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