Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
