she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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