i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
