If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Your penis caused this!
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