9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
