woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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