super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
