You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
