Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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