one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
