they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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