A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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