So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
