and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
