Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
