next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
