i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
