a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
