ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
