Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
