We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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