the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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