I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
