I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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