Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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