Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize