I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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