you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
