Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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