i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
