Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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