At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
