Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
