i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
