Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
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Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
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Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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