I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
