then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
