Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
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Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
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Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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