We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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