sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
