If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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