Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
