We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
