RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
